


Are You Death Or Paradise?

by ifiseeyouagain



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe, Anger Management, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Gang AU, Gang Violence, Gun Violence, Harry-centric, Heavy Angst, Homelessness, Hurt Harry, I Don't Even Know, I won't make you hate this, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Innocent Harry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Just try it once, Kidnapping, M/M, Medical Procedures, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Liam, Protective Niall, Protective Zayn, Sassy Louis Tomlinson, Then It Gets Worse Again, Therapy, What Have I Done, You won't regret this, all ends well, but remember, it's not as bad, there is a hell lot of fluff later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29942127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifiseeyouagain/pseuds/ifiseeyouagain
Summary: "I used to sit there, waiting... just waiting... it's funny how much I hoped at the beginning... then when it began to get worse... the hope just started to seep away... slowly... torturously... until it was all gone and I was left there alone... with nothing... not even a single tear to let out..."or,the one where harry returns broken and beyond repair and louis' left to gather the piecesTitle from 'No time to die' by Billie Eilish
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	1. first

**Author's Note:**

> I just realised that i have a tendency to write a chapter of a new story and then take wayyy too long to finish it.  
> I've got about three fics i wanna continue but, two things  
> 1) I got very little time and very little creativity  
> 2) I am very lazy.  
> So i don't know the future of this one or my others, but I can promise you I want to finish them. I don't intend to keep you hanging. It's just that, I have a bit of an uncertain future and too many things on my hands.  
> I'm really sorry if i dissapoint you, i've never wanted or liked to do that.  
> Anyways,  
> I got this idea a few days ago, and wrote this chapter. It came out better than i thought it would've, so i gave some time to think up the rest of the plot.  
> Please give it a chonce,  
> Hope you like the first chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **⚠Warning: There is a bit of swearing in this chapter**

It's around midnight. The sky is a sheer black with the white spots looking as clear as crystal, shining as bright as the sun itself. There's no moon. So, the stars are taking their opportunity to light the sky up. 

Louis is fucking bored. 

He blinks at the sky one last time before looking down at his watch. It's been an hour since they've arrived and no sign of the other party. Where-

"Where are those fucking cunts?" Niall says lazily from behind him. Louis scowls at him. 

"Can't you just keep your mouth shut for a few bloody minutes, Horan?! And if you wanna be so impatient and annoying, go ahead and give 'em a call yourself!"

"Don't have the number," Niall shrugs.

"Yeah? Then shut the hell up for sometime, will ya?" Louis isn't usually this mean- oh who's he kidding he's always this mean. It's just, today he has a relevant reason for hating the world and cussing at everyone. He isn't really a patient person himself, though he's not going to admit this in front of Niall after having cursed at him for the same reason. 

Soon, however, he can't keep it down anymore and is about to start complaining just like his irish mate when suddenly there's a cracking sound followed by footsteps. 

Louis squints his eyes to see whom the footsteps belong to, but he can't make the figures out quite clearly as there still a bit farther away than the deck. 

"I think it's them.." he hears someone mutter. And yeah, maybe it is them.   
They seem to be about two to three in numbers walking towards his group confidently but cautiously, him and his group sharing the same caution.

It only rises as the other group nears them and stops about a few feet away.   
He feels his own group straightening up as the previously bored atmosphere turns tense. 

Louis purses his lips. 

"You're late," he quips, trying not to sound annoyed. The other party is a bit on the red side and Louis wants this deal to go as smoothly and calmly as it can. He'd informed his fellows to try and be as social as they could without spurring up an argument. Being the leader, he can't mess this up himself. After all, this deal seems to be pretty important to his gang, or that's what the boss had warned him before sending him here. 

' _Don't mess this up, Tomlinson, this deal is more important to me than my life._ ' he'd said. And Louis would rather kill than get on the big man's bad side. 

"We are," a tall burly guy, probably the leader of the opposite group, says, not bothering with an explanation. Louis grits his teeth but doesn't say anything.

 _Calm down_. 

He breathes out silently, before looking at the front, confidence in his posture and tone as he speaks. 

"Let's get to the business then, shall we? I'm sure you have what we need with you. Our property?"

The other guy nods, "'Course we do. It's not only you who should be asking that though. Have you got your promised end of the deal?"

Louis holds his hand out. Niall immediately places the handle of the leather bag on it and he grasps it tightly. "50, 000 bucks. Can count it." He smirks.

The leader signals one of his man to move ahead to take the money, but Louis hides it behind him, denying any access. The other guy narrows his eyes but Louis simply raises his eyebrow, expectant. 

"You first," he tilts his head to the side. The burly man sighs before giving another signal. A different guy, somewhere at the back, yells, "Bring the exchange!"

Louis hears some shuffling noises, sounds something like footsteps of more than one person, they're not clear though. The group of men shift slightly, giving Louis a direct view of three more people approaching them. Well, two are actually walking, the third guy in the middle looks like he's being dragged. 

He is walking weirdly, being held by the other two people on both of his sides. He seems to have long hair and is taller and skinnier than both the guys (literally) carrying him. At least, that's what Louis can make out from the shadowy figures. 

He doesn't see a bag or anything though. So what exactly is this deal that is so important to his boss? He'd really been curious about this from the moment he came back from the meeting with the boss, wondering about it all the time. He'd never seen his boss show any sort of emotions since... _the_ _incident_. And seeing him looking so anxious and almost _afraid_ today, Louis can't help but feel a bit uneasy. And of course, _very_ curious. 

He's pulled out of his train of thoughts when he heard Niall gasp. The moment he focuses on what was the cause of the surprised reaction from his mate, Louis's heart stops beating. His blood runs cold and his eyes widen so much they sting. He can't breathe. It's as if someone punched him in the gut so hard it knocked out all the air from his lungs. His brain feels empty. All his thoughts now only centered towards the dark piercing eyes that look back at him emptily. It's as if a switch has turned on inside his brain. A load of memories, painful and happy, rushing back to him from the corner he'd hidden them with so much difficulty. It hurts. A lot. 

Louis almost chokes in a sob. He can't bear to cry. Not here. Not now. Not in front of the people he's not supposed to show his vulnerable side to. He has to hold it in. He has to try. 

He stands there frozen, looking at the source of his state. The person who's causing him this pain right now. 

"Harry.." Niall mutters from behind him and it feels like another stab to his heart, the confirmation that it is indeed who Louis thought he is, that he is not imagining this. 

Harry Styles.

He hasn't heard that name for so long. Too long. So long that he'd almost forgotten it. He feels terribly guilty now. How the fuck could he have forgotten it?! And another painful emotion adds up to his burden. 

Harry Styles stands in front of him. Well, he's trying his best to stand anyway. He looks like he's having trouble even keeping his eyes open. They droop down and snap up, looking bloodshot and dull. His face looks pale and clammy. Paler than usual. Like a ghost's. There a small cuts and scratches littered on his face. And his hair, now way longer than before, fall lifelessly down his shoulders, some strands sticking to his face. He looks terrible. Like he'd beem very very ill. He almost doesn't even look like himself. His jaw is more chiseled and lips more plump and a bit purple, bruised. He seems to be even taller than before. Legs wrapped up in black jeans which don't look so fashionably ripped anymore. A black thin long sleeve shirt draped on his body, ripped at some parts and very dirty. He's also not wearing any footwear. 

In short, Harry looks fucking terrible. But Louis can't help but think that he's still the most beautiful sight he could ever see. And he keeps looking, his brain not allowing him to function anymore. 

Seemingly realising that Louis is too shocked to function, Niall takes the upper hand. He himself walks to the other side, bag in his hand. And as soon as he hands it to one of the men, he rushes to Harry. 

Louis can see him tremble slightly, knows that Niall is feeling close to the same emotions he is feeling. Can see the reluctance, the way he moves so carefully, like he's afraid. 

Harry looks at Niall blankly, showing no recognition. Niall carefully wraps his hand around Harry's arm, the taller guy doesn't react, simply let's himself be moved how Niall wants him to. Like a fucking puppet. Louis feels like throwing up. 

The two slowly make their way towarda where Louis is standing. Harry staggering at every step, his knees bend and hit each other as he walks. Niall looks like he's having a hard time keeping him upright. To a normal eye, it'd seem as if Harry was drunk and Niall was helping him. Back then, it used to be the other way around. Fuck. 

When they reach Louis, Harry slowly, lazily, raises his dull green eyes to meet Louis' horrified blue. The way Harry's looking at him now, so dull, so empty, glazed over, like Louis is made of glass, it does more than hurt Louis. It seems fucking torturing. This whole situation is torturing. He wants to fucking scream and cry and thrash around right now. But he doesn't. Simply because his body is totally numb and out of his control. 

Maybe that's the reason why he raises hus hand up, without realizing, and so very gently places it on Harry's face. His fingers are shaking, and it feels as if he's touching the most delicate and precious thing in the world, which is not entirely a lie. 

That's when a tear decides to roll down his cheeks, and Louis immediately snaps out of it. 

He straightens up, looking anywhere but at the boy in front of him. He stares right at the leader of the other group, eyeing him with an emotion even he doesn't know what is. 

"Where did you find him?" he asks, voice surprisingly coming out steady and confident. He's glad. 

"A raid," the guy answers. "When we infiltrated this other gang's base. He was down there lookin' terrible, all beaten up.   
This one lad recognised 'im, so we brought 'im in. Fed 'im and stuff. Sent a message to yer boss. Knew he was important." 

Louis swallows and then licks his lips, blinking his eyes rapidly to avoid more tears. He gives a curt nod to the leader, signaling the end of the deal. The other gang leave silently, and Louis turns around. Still avoiding looking at anyone in particular, he starts walking away. 

"Bring him in," he says through gritted teeth, fists clenched tightly. "And call the boss. Tell him the _deal_ was successful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so...   
> That's it for the first chapter.  
> Hope you liked it.  
> Criticism is welcome but please be nice.


	2. second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a peek in the past  
> a revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the second chapter, hope you like it!  
> Note: This book will now move in different timelines(past and present). So, carefully read the time period before you proceed, just to avoid confusion.  
>  **⚠Warning: This chapter contains swearing, homelessness and mentions of drug use! Please proceed with caution.**

**~Then~**

His body was aching everywhere. Especially his legs, after having ran so long. 

He sat huddled up in the alleyway, panting and trembling. It was cold that night and his dirty, ripped jumper wasn't doing a good job of keeping him warm. He had to look for a better, safe and warm hiding place. The alleyway he was staying in was neither of it. 

He could worry about that later though, he had to eat first, he was dead hungry. 

With a shaking hand, he brought the insufficient piece of bread to his mouth and bit on it. His jaw hurt with the amount of effort it required to chew the tiny piece. But, something is better than nothing right? 

His stomach growled as soon as he finished eating, asking for more. He let out a sigh and rested his head back on the wall he was leaning on. It was a hard day. No jobs, no food, he couldn't even get himself a single penny in any way. 

It'd been nearly a week since he'd been living on the streets. He'd still not moved on from what happened. Everything still haunted him in his nightmares. He'd not had a proper sleep because of the reason, which just makes the next day even more difficult to go through.

Sometimes he thought he should end it all, at least it would save him all the trouble. But then the words he'd promised began echoing in his head, and all he could do after that was cry and curse. 

Curse his words. Curse the people. Curse his life. Curse the world. Curse God. Curse his fate. Curse everything that exists. 

And finally, curse himself.

Because he was the one who brought it upon himself.

It was all his fault. 

And this is how he'd have to pay.

That's when he stopped cursing.

***

**~Now~**

_"How is he?"_

Louis scoffs. "You still care?"

_"Tomlinson, I'm not up for this shit at the moment. Just tell me how he is."_

He sighs, giving up. It's not like he's not at fault here at all. "Okay. Sleeping."

It's been nearly two hours since they arrived at their base in London, and Harry's been sleeping since then. It was quite a scene when everyone saw what the 'exchange' actually was. Saying they were surprised would be an understatement.

 _"Is he hurt anywhere?"_ There's a hint of worry in his boss's voice, something he rarely hears now-a-days.

"Not that I know of. He didn't show any signs of pain. Was too out of it." The boss hums from the other side. Louis bites his lip, before continuing, "He didn't show any sort of recognition for any of us. Even Zayn."

_"It's as you said, he was too out of it. Let's give him some time."_

"Yeah..." Louis looks at the sleeping boy- now man, in front of him, looking all worn out and ill. "Can I ask you something, boss?"

_"Go ahead."_

"Why did you send me? I mean, not that I am not capable of this or have any negative feelings towards you for it. But just- why.. Why me?"

He hears Mr. Styles sigh from the other side, sounding sad and tired.

_"Because, Louis Tomlinson, he's my son and I know what's best for him."_

_..._

"Louis." 

His eyes snap up and the first thing he sees is Harry's pale face. No matter how much he wants to hear it, he knows it wasn't Harry's voice. He turns his head towards thr door to find his raven haired mate looking at him with a weird expression.

"Hey, Zayn."

"You okay?" And wait, is that _concern_? For _Louis_?? That's unusual. 

Louis chuckles. Zayn frowns. 

"What did I say?"

"You worried about me? Who are you? Where's Zayn?"

He receives a deadpan look in return. "Not the time, Tommo." And maybe its his tone or the way he's looking at him, that causes Louis to swallow and break his eye contact with his golden-eyed friend. Or ex-friend, if you can say so. He still can't believe how much uncomfortable things have gotten between the two of them. 

Nowhere else to look at, Louis' eyes automatically find Harry. The way his pale face looks so peaceful, not as clammy and ill as before. How his slightly swollen, red lips pucker up in a pout: something he always did while asleep. How his delicate lilac eyelids shield his gorgeous green eyes and let his graciously long eye lashes fall on his well defined cheek bones. His shoulder-length hair spread like a halo around his head. He looks like an angel.

He looks so much more mature and rough than before. He looks like a man now. An angelic man. Louis is still as much mesmerized by his beauty as he was back then, and he's not surprised by the realization.

He hears a small cough from behind him which reminds him of the others presence, and the previous question.

"You asked me if I'm okay? Honestly? I don't know. I don't know what's happening. How he suddenly reappeared in our lives. Just like that. No warning, no preconceptions. I don't know how to feel about this."

Zayn sighs. "You don't have to have any idea, Lou. All of us here are just as confused about everything. You're not alone here. You don't have to be okay."

Louis simply scoffs, shaking his head slighty. He suddenly feels a hand in his shoulder and looks up surprised. Zayn is looking down at him, genuine worry in his eyes. Louis softly bites his lip. 

"Look Louis, I know we're not on the best of terms right now. But we were pretty close back then and I know I know you better than yourself. You have a tendency to take up all the responsibility on your shoulders. 'Cause of which, in the end, you're left with a burden too big for you to handle alone. You have to stop taking it all up on yourself. You should start to hold back sometimes, let things happen the way they are. It'd save you the stress and the others the worry."

Louis looks down at his hands, frowning. He doesn't like it when Zayn talks like this. 

"You don't have to worry about me," he grumbles.

He can practically hear Zayn smile. 

"Oh, but Tommo, I have to."

...

_The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is that he's back in his room, in his bed._

_The next thing he realizes is that he's not alone, if the warmth next to him has anything to say about it._

_Finally, he feels fingers_ _in his hair. Soft, gentle fingers playing with his fringe, caressing his head. It feels nice and familiar. He's missed this so much._

_A smile appears on Louis' mouth as he slowly rises his head so that his searching blue meet the heavenly green._

_Harry's smiling back at him softly, which makes Louis smile wider in return. He looks so soft, so peaceful right now. His face no longer looking so pale and ghost-like. He doesn't look so roughened and beaten up any more. He looks just the way he did back then. Soft and pretty. Young and beautiful._

_Louis buries his face deep inside Harry's neck, which makes the taller lad chuckle. And even though Harry can't see him, Louis pouts._

_"What're you laughing at?"_

_"You're in the mood of being the little spoon today." His voice his hoarse, just the way Louis likes it._

_"Well, you can't always have that pleasure can you? Plus, I've missed you so much, you know how hard it was to be here without you by my side?"_

_"As a matter of fact, I do. You weren't the only one who was away from the love of his life, y'know?" That makes Louis smile, he loves it when Harry calls him that._

_"But now you're back."_

_He feels Harry nod. "Now I'm back. And I'm not going to leave you again."_

_"I'm not gonna let you leave again." And with that he tightens his grip on Harry._

_And they just lie there like that. Holding each other closer, tighter, not intending to let go even for a moment._

_Louis' missed this, craved for this since so long. And now that he's finally got it back, he's not willing to let go._

_..._

It's the soft whimpers that bring him back to consciousness.

Louis frowns, before he opens his eyes. It's dark and he has to squint to make out his surroundings. It doesn't take him long to realize that he's not in his bed, or in his room.

The events of the day before slowly come back to his mind, and that's when he realizes that he'd fallen asleep in Harry's room, beside his bed. 

_Harry_. 

Louis' head snaps up and no doubt, the whimpers are coming from the curly lad who's tossing and turning in his bed. 

He's sweaty, very sweaty, Louis notes, and he's biting his lip and frowning pretty hard, as if he's scared. No he looks fucking _terrified_. 

_He's having a nightmare!_ Louis' subconscious yells at his sleep muddled brain and that's enough to completely wake him up. 

Louis stands up immediately after that, and rushes closer to Harry. His face is scrunched up in fear and he's breathing irregularly. Louis' hands hover over the sleeping man, uncertain and hesitant. His own heart is beating a little faster and he's finding it slightly difficult to breath. 

_Get yourself together! Your panicking won't help._

With a deep breath, Louis goes to touch Harry's chest, just to help him calm down. 

Big mistake.

As soon as his hand makes contact with Harry's chest, the other man screams, dreadfully and frighteningly, and begins thrashing around. His hand hits Louis on the face and he immediately retracts. Moving as far away from Harry as he can without having him away from his sight. 

But Harry doesn't stop. He keeps thrashing and screaming and crying. And it scares the shit out of Louis. 

He himself begins to yell Harry's name. Asking him to calm down and stop screaming. He knows it useless but Louis himself is panicking and crying right now.

He can't bear to see Harry this way. His Harry, who has always been so strong and cheerful and _happy_. Now he just looks terrified and sad and- _fuck._

Louis wants to go back to sleep. Wants to go back to his dreamland. He knows it's incredibly selfish and he wil hit himself for this in the future but right now. He wants to go back to his loving and caring Harry. Back in that heartfelt embrace. Where he could stay for as long as he wanted to, without a care in the world. 

Fuck, Louis misses Harry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, not the best ending but I hope not the worse as well.  
> So, this was kinda a taste of how it's gonna be for the rest of the journey. Don't worry, Louis is not an idiot to leave Harry in that condition, he's just panicking. Give him a break he's still trying to catch on okay? It's gonna take a bit before things get stable again. Please bear with me.  
> Anyways,  
> it would've definitely taken longer for me to update but seeing all the kudos and comment really inspired me. Thanks for all the appreciation, I hope I live up to it.  
> I don't know how long it'd take for the next chapter but I'll try my best to update it sooner as well. This is a long journey and I've got a lot of work to do, so please don't hold back fron your opinions, good or bad, they really help!  
> Ps- For those who didn't get it, the italicized part was Louis' dream. It was how him and Harry used to be before shit happened. So, kinda like a flashback to. Also, who do you think was the person in the first flashback?


	3. third

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry wakes up and...  
> let's just say louis isn't as happy about it as he should be...  
> +  
> another look at the boy on the streets..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo.. Here's the third. I'm not exactly proud of this one but... Yeah.   
> **⚠Warning: Panic attacks, nightmares, mentions of drug use, mentions of violence, homelessness (its gonna be there in a few more chapters do i have to keep warning about it?) and swearing (yeah, this is gonna be in every chapter so...). Anyways, if any of this trigger you, please be careful!**

**~Now~**

It's probably Harry's or Louis' or maybe the both of their screams that brings Zayn to the room. He barges in suddenly, eyes wide in panic and caution, seemingly thinking there's an enemy here but when he sees Harry thrashing around and Louis crying, the panic is replaced with worry. 

"What happened?" Zayn asks Louis, who can't remove his eyes from Harry's struggling figure. 

"He's having a nightmare. A bad one it seems. Zayn I don't know what to do! I tried to wake him but he started screaming. What am I supposed to do?! Tell me what to do!!" He starts breathing heavily, feeling a panic attack coming. It's been too long since he'd had one. 

"Shh, Lou, calm down. You have to calm down first. Your panicking won't help Harry. Please, try to breathe. Louis." Zayn's voice is soft and gentle. It grasps onto Louis, trying to keep him calm, trying to keep him on the surface. 

_Deep breath in._

Zayn is right. His panic is only making the situation worse. He has to calm the fuck down.

_Deep breath out._

He tries to bring Harry's words to his mind. Tries to recall how Harry used to bring him out of his panic atracks. The softness in his voice, the tranquil it filled Louis with. He tries to remember it all. 

It doesn't take long for Louis finally get his breathing right. And as soon as he knows he's over it, he rushes back to Harry. 

The younger lad is looking very pale. He's moaning as if he's in pain. Louis frowns. He should've woken up by now. Or maybe it's the drug. They don't even know what type of drug he's on, they couldn't just take him to a doctor all of a sudden. It would be risky, Louis knows. But he doesn't have the patience to wait for their own doctor. 

He sees Zayn moving to the other side of bed but not touching Harry. 

"You said he screamed when you tried to touch him?" 

"Yeah.. "

Zayn seems to think of something before he runs out of the room, he soon comes back with a glass of water in his hand and pours it all over Harry.

"What the fuck, Zayn?!" Louis yells at him in disbelief.

"If we can't touch him to wake him up, we have to do it some other way! We can't just leave him like that!" And yeah it makes sense, it does but Louis can't help but worry. And you can't blame him for that! 

Before he says anything else though, someone groans. A way too familiar voice but one he hasn't heard since so long. One he thought he'd never hear again. 

Both of their heads snap to the bed, where Harry is now lying, calmer than before and panting. His eyes are squirmed shut and he's gritting his teeth. 

It takes just a closer look for Louis to notice that he's still trembling.

"I-I.." his raspy voice grazes Louis' ear and straight goes down to his heart, literally hurting it. 

"Harry..." he whispers, very softly. He can feel a lump forming in his throat. He knows he's not yet ready for this. Not ready to face Harry. To talk to him. What if he still blames him? What if Harry stilk hasn't forgotten him? Them? Does he remember what happened?? Does he... Does he still hate him for it??? 

Before Louis could come up with a answer to calm his rattling brain down, he hears Harry groan again. 

"Harry-" he goes to say, louder this time but stops when he sees the boy flinch. 

"I'm sorry!!" Harry yells out all of a sudden. There are tears streaming down his face.

"What-" 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to- to fall asleep. I was really tired. Please, please! I'm sorry, please don't hurt me! Please!" 

Louis and Zayn both look at him with wide eyes, confused and horrified. What the hell is he saying?!

" M'sorry, m'sorry, please, sorr-y please please no no no please!" Harry keeps mumbling to himself, shaking and crying. His eyes are squeezed shut and their is a look on his face which says that he's scared and in pain. 

Louis wants to cry. Not that he already isn't but right now, it feels as if someone is burning literally burning his insides out. It hurts, too much, to see his lover like this. If Harry still _is_ his lover.

"Harry..." Zayn mutters. There are tears in his eyes a well, as if even he can't bear to see his friend like this.

It's when Harry's voice starts getting louder and louder do Zayn and Louis get over their initial shock. They try reach out to Harry but remember that touching him isn't an option. But then, how do they get him out of this.. this weird panic attack of his? Louis bites his lip, thinking for a moment. He has an idea but he's not sure how Harry will react to it. He has to try it though. They have to get Harry out of this.

He jumps up on the bed and scoots closer to Harry, it's easier to do so since Harry isn't thrashing around like before. But instead he's curled in on himself, seemingly trying to protect himself. It does no better to Louis' heart.

As soon as Louis is close to Harry, he lays beside him and wraps his arms around the taller lad, embracing him. One hand rubs his back while the other cradles his head, sifting his fingers through his slightly damp and long curly hair. He moves his mouth towards Harry's ear and starts making soft, shushing sounds. 

"Shh, Hazza, it's okay. You're okay. You're safe, no one's gonna hurt you, okay? I'm here. Lou's here. I'm gonna protect you yeah? Don't be scared, love. You're okay, I promise. Shh, calm down. You can do it, baby."

He can feel his heart twinge as memories rush through his head, like arrows piercing his brain. Memories of how him and Harry used to be like, back then, when everything was okay. How he used to hold Harry. How Harry used to calm him down. How he always took care of Louis after his panic attacks and nightmares. It seemed like it happened decades ago. 

And Louis knows its wrong. Knows he shouldn't be doing this. Not now when it's all over between them. Now, they aren't how they used to be. So, they're not supposed to act like that either. But Louis doesn't know what else to do, how else to act. All he's ever known about his behaviour with Harry is this. This is how they ever were. This is how he knows they could be.

He knows it's the right thing to do when he feels Harry slowly calm down in his embrace. He's not mumbling anymore and not shaking. He's breathing a bit heavily but not as irregularly as before. Louis continues to rub his back and ruffle his hair, his soft words not stopping. He's completely forgotten about Zayn's existence and is simply enjoying the contact he has with Harry because _God_ did he miss it.

He feels two pair of arms slowly wrap around him and Harry's body curving in the embrace, fitting himself properly, making himself comfortable. He feels Harry's warm breath on his neck, his heart thumping slightly out of beat. Louis can feel it. All of it. Just like before.

"Lou..?" Harry softly whispers, tightening his hold. And Louis wants to cry because along with everything else, he also feels the need, the desperation with which Harry is hugging him. It's like he's spent years longing for this. And maybe he has. The thought makes Louis' stomach churn.

"Yeah, it's me. It's Lou, Haz. I'm here, you're alright," he says in a soft voice, his hands never ceasing to comfort the boy in his arms. Harry lets out a content sound, as if he's enjoying this as much as Louis is. But then suddenly, he feels Harry's hold loosen as the younger man freezes. Louis frowns and goes to look what caused this sudden change but before he could move, Harry pushes him away. The action catches him of guard and he falls right down on the floor. He sits up, rubbing his back slightly as he looks as Harry with an annoyed expression.

"Ow, why'd you do that-" He stops himself when he sees shocked look on Harry's face, as he stares at Louis with wide green eyes. He looks around after that, takes in his surrounding. There's a look of pure disbelief in his eyes, and a slight tinge of... what seems like relief.. 

"Where- I- How- When- _What the fuck_?!" He almost literally screeches out. His eyes are so wide, the green is shining through. His lips are parted and his face is no less pale than before.

"Hey Harry.." His head snaps to where Zayn is standing, before it snaps back to Louis. There almost a flash of relief in his eyes, but it's gone immediately and a guarded expression covers them as they darken slightly. 

Harry quickly scoots back, as far away from Zayn and Louis as he could, towards the headboard. It seems as if he's trying his best to hide himself as he protectively curls in himself, wrapping his arms around his legs and hiding his face behind them. Only his eyes and hair are visible. 

"W-where am I?" He rasps out, voice slightly shaken but otherwise cold. It's as if he's trying to protect himself from them. _Them!_ Louis and Zayn! Two people he used to consider the most important one's in his life. What the fuck happened to him that reduced Harry to this! Louis' not sure if he wants to know. 

Zayn looks equally confused and hurt as Louis is by Harry's action, but they try not to show it and focus on comforting Harry, who looks like he's ready to run out of here or start thrashing around again with the way he's grasping onto his knees so tightly. He's eyes show that he's waiting for something or someone to burst out and start hitting him, it's like he's expecting being hit. Louis still can't cope up with whatever's happening.

They move slightly closer to the boy but the way he flinches and cowers away further, they both raise their hand in surrender, in a way to show him that they mean no harm. Harry keeps eyeing them, suspicious and scared.

"Hey," Louis begins, voice as soft as he could keep without it getting inaudible, "it's okay. It's just me and Zayn. Just us. We're not gonna harm you okay? You're going to be alright. Don't worry, okay? You're fine. We're fine." He gives Zayn a look and the lad nods in response, quickly joining in with his most convincing and comforting voice. "Yeah. We're not gonna hurt you Harry. You're safe now. You're back home, okay? With us, with your friends and family. We're here, I'm here, Lou's here, Niall's here as well. You don't have to be scared anymore okay? We're going to keep you safe now." 

Harry keeps looking at them, all doe-eyed and innocent. There's still fear in them but he looks like he believes them. He bits his lip, slowly softening his posture and rests his hands at his sides. He looks down at his lap then, breaking his eye contact with Zayn. "Can I get some water...? Please? I'm sorry.." He asks softly, his voice still hoarse from all the screaming and crying. There's hesitation and fear on his face when he speaks, as if he's afraid they'll react badly at that. 

"Hey, it's okay, I'll get you some okay? The last glass was emptied to wake you up," Zayn says, smiling slightly to lighten the atmosphere but Harry offers no reaction in response. Louis gives Zayn a weak, encouraging smile saying 'it's okay, you tried' before the lad turns around and walks out of the room. 

Harry stays like that the whole time, not moving a muscle other than his fidgeting fingers. His eyes have gone blank, pupils dilated slightly as he keeps staring at his lap. Louis can't even get a word out of his mouth, his brain has yet to start functioning properly after all the shocks Harry's given him tonight. But it still isn't the end of it yet, it seems, because when Zayn returns with the glass of water and holds it in front of Harry the other boy doesn't react. At all. He keeps sitting the way he is, eyes never moving from whatever spot they're focused at. And when Zayn calls out his name, he violently flinches and his hands automatically cover his body as he looks around frantically, seemingly searching for whoever's about to hurt him. He calms down when he sees Zayn though, and looks down, ashamed.

"S-sorry.." He mutters, hesitantly reaching out for the water without looking at anyone. Zayn and Louis are way too shocked with what just happened to give a response. 

As soon as he's finished hungrily gulping down the water, he places it carefully on the nightstand before timidly looking up at Louis. 

"C-can I... can I sleep now? I-I'm really tired... Sorry.." He mutters out with a voice too small, afraid to be heard. "P-please..?" He asks when he gets no answer.

The questions snap Louis out of his shock just enough to nod his head and say, "Yeah, sure, no need to ask, love." He grimaces a bit at the term of endearment, an old habit of his resurfacing due to Harry's presence. But Harry hasn't seemed to have caught it as he slowly and timidly lowers himself back on the bed and curling in on himself just like before, trying to hide himself. 

"Lou, c'mon, let's let him sleep." Zayn's voice snaps him out of his daze and that's when he realizes he's been sitting on the floor the whole time.

He quickly gets up and rushes out of there, without sparing a glance at Harry, not even waiting for Zayn. He practically runs out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water and gulps it down as fast as he could almost choking. He doesn't hear Zayn coming behind, so when the lad rests a hand on Louis' shoulder, he startles.

Tears well up in his eyes as soon as he sees his raven-haired friends face and he sinks down on the floor, crying. 

"How did this happen, Zayn? _How the fuck_ did this fucking _happen_?!" He just keep sobbing after that, crying and babbling and choking as Zayn pulls him in a hug.

Zayn is the one who comforts _him_ then, letting out a few tears of his own.

***

**~Then~**

"Hey! Stop right there!"

He kept running. running as if his life depended on it. Because technically, it did. 

"Stop running, you bloody thief!

He grasped tightly on to the bag in his hands. He couldn't afford to let it fall down. It was his only meal after starving for a whole week. If he lost his food again, he'd probably die of hunger. No, he's sure he will die of hunger. His body can't go any longer without at least a bite of food.

Even while he was running, he felt lightheaded and fucking exhausted. His limbs ached like hell and if it wasn't for the adrenaline, he would've collapsed by now.

When he's sure he's lost the men behind him, he slows his pace down. He's panting and shaking like a leaf by the time he reaches the bench at the corner of the park. He found the place a few days ago and though it was still as cold here as the alleyway, this place felt a bit more secure and comfortable. There were a few trees and long grass surrounding the wooden bench and since no one ever really came here, it was a much better place for him to stay.

He plopped down on the bench and took out the sandwich from the bag. He saw a man buying it at the store and since there weren't many people, he saw his chance and snatched it from the guy, running as fast as could without looking back. Maybe it was he painful hunger he bore in his stomach or maybe it was the fear of getting caught, but he ran faster than his tired body would've allowed. 

That's what he'd been doing for that past week, attempting to steal food or money, anything he could get his hands on that was worth selling. He'd been trying to find any way he could get money. No matter how much he looked for any jobs, he couldn't get one. No body really wanted a dirty, suspicious boy who lives on streets to work for them. But he'd thought that someone would have at least a tiny bit of humanity in them to take pity on him. Guess he was wrong about people. About the world. Nobody cares for anybody. They all care about themselves. They all love themselves. And people do whatever they have to to keep themselves happy, even if it hurts someone else in the process, they simply don't give a fuck.

He'd learnt the way of the world then.

And that was the moment he decided to act by it. 

Just care for yourself, work for yourself.

Do everything you can to keep yourself satisfied. If anyone else get hurt by your actions...

..well, it's not like you care.

A dog howled in the distance, and he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnd, yeah...  
> It was...a handful, wasn't it? Well, is it bad if I say, it's gonna get worse? I mean, there's a reason I've tagged Heavy Angst for this book, and this was nowhere near heavy, according to me at least. But I did put in some soft moments between larry ( the louis calming harry down scene) so you can't really complain. Lel  
> Do tell me how you felt about Harry's...behaviour....  
> The lad's gone through a lot you see, it's reasonable for him to be so terrified. And you don't even know his character completely yet! Be prepared for the vast change you're gonna experience. In both Louis and Harry.  
> *evil laughter* this is gonna be fun..  
> Anyways, we also got some more insight on Louis' past.  
> Plus, another flashback of the street boy (that's what I'm gonna call him until his identity is revealed, which isn't too far away btw). Does this give you a hint of who it might be? (I bet it doesn't, I'm too subtle)  
> Well, that all aside, i hope you liked the chapter. Please don't hesitate to point out my mistakes if I've made any, after all we all learn more from our mistakes right?  
> Hope you have a great day/night ahead. Thank you for reading!  
> I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can!


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